What I learn from my son's challenge

My 3-year-old male probably has TOS (language development disorder). This means that his speech does not come naturally. It is a huge challenge to teach him speech. To keep his world orderly, he has an enormous need for fixed patterns. Fortunately, he gets professional help and we get tools to deal with this.

The special thing about a challenge is that there is often a downside. In this case, a huge learning curve. Not only for him but certainly for me as well. I will give you an idea of what I learned as a result and can apply further in my life and work.

There is often a positive upside to a challenge!

✅ Patience

To understand him, to do something according to his familiar pattern, and to make something clear to him, I achieve something fastest by being patient. If I take my time with him and put myself in his shoes, we achieve the most together.

It is quite possible to teach someone who seems to be trapped in his own world something with patience. Time and patience are essential.

✅ Clearly and concisely convey a message

A jumble of words does not reach my little guy. If I make short sentences and restate the main word separately, my message arrives.

Too often we want to clarify our story with a mincing of words, hoping to make the other person understand what you mean. It is much more effective to express the core of your message concisely and powerfully.

✅ Nonverbal communication is key

Using sign language, we are teaching our little man to communicate. In the last few weeks, he is making huge leaps and discovering the value of being able to express himself in this way.

By adding gestures, you make your message audible and visible to the other person. Double a message in one go. Talk about impact.

✅ Learning from all ages

This morning my little son made a gesture I was not familiar with. Because he was pointing to a specific white object, I suspected he was gesturing the color white. After checking in the gesture app, I was confirmed in this. My 3-year-old son was teaching me the meaning of a new gesture! I am so proud of him.

Very often we want to work and connect with people with experience and knowledge. I myself sometimes make the mistake of thinking that someone must be of a certain age to have the necessary wisdom. Yet it is young people who pick up new things the fastest. This also makes them a valuable source of knowledge.

✅ Don't go too fast

If I want to do something quickly that is contrary to his familiar way of doing things, my son can become extremely sad. The familiar pattern is rudely disrupted. What was safe suddenly gives uncertainty and he cannot put words to it.

If we want to help someone and we already see the solution ourselves, too often the focus is on that. This can cause you to lose connection with the other person. If you go too fast, causing the other person not to understand you and creating chaos, so to speak, you may not be the safe teacher.

✅ Confirm that you heard the other person.

My son speaks some words and has sounds for other meanings. When he wants to make something clear he repeats this sound until I confirm him with the intended word. This way he gets recognition and confirmation of what he wants to make clear.

In our communication, repeating the other person's words or summarizing their story can let you know that you have understood the other person.

These are some examples of what I have learned and the translation to the professional world. Besides enjoying his happy presence immensely, I am learning a tremendous amount from my beautiful happy little man.

A pile of wood as a life lesson?

Have you ever made a pile of firewood? I have. The other day I had 2 cubic meters of wood brought in to fire the stove in our living kitchen. The advantage of handling that much wood is that it gets you hot twice. First to get it all in a nice pile and then when you start firing.

Sometimes it means taking what has been learned and stacking it up again for a while so that it becomes a solid whole again.

The blocks of wood I received were all different shapes. Some a little shorter, others longer. Some round and others all different angles. It is not easy to make a nice whole out of such a diverse quantity. On top of that, you have to shape the pile so that it doesn't topple over at the first breath of wind.

Synonym

As I was processing the wood, I realized that all these different blocks could be synonymous with what we are taught in terms of life lessons. If all goes well, your parents once started teaching you what you needed. Assuming there were grandparents, they also interfered with you with all kinds of good advice. The lessons of your first kindergarten teacher were sacred to you. Gradually you came into contact with adults, friends and new teachers who all taught you things in their own way. You learned every day.

The trick is to make all that has been taught into something personal. Sometimes it means turning what you have learned upside down and stacking it again so that it becomes a solid whole again. That takes effort and it can get pretty hot. It can also mean burning things from the past. That too generates heat but doing it does make it a lot more comfortable for you. It gives space and it provides opportunities to add other blocks of information. Properly considered, you always stay with what you are taught. It is important that you have or get a solid foundation so that you can firmly build on that which is taught to you.

The Sales Center likes to offer customization and realizes that sometimes it is essential to examine learned behavior. Perhaps together we can turn the whole thing upside down and lay a good foundation on which you can build existing and new elements. We will undoubtedly burn some elements and yes, that will make you hot, but at the same time it will also make you more comfortable.

Leadership begins with yourself!

There are many insights about leadership. What is leadership at its core?

According to Wipikedia is this:

Leadership is a process by which an individual influences a group of individuals to achieve a certain goal. Often this is someone in a leadership position within the group in question, but this is not a requirement.

What Wipikedia describes here is that there is usually a relationship between leadership and a position. In other words leadership is hung up on a position in a work environment or a place where a group of people are active and where the group is influenced by the leader,. In my opinion, this is a meager reflection of what leadership actually means. Because the question is to what extent you as a person are able to influence the other. Do you know what to do to influence the other person?

Covey

In his book “the seven traits of effective leadership” Stephan Covey discusses personal leadership at length. In summary, it is first about yourself and leading yourself before getting to the second stage of leading others. Covey writes that it is possible to appeal to our self-awareness, imagination and conscience. By focusing on these and making changes, we are only able to expand our circle of influence. In other words, that is leading ourselves.

Leadership begins with ourselves.

An example to clarify what is meant by this. Suppose you are married. With you and your partner the sparks are no longer flying and you want to change that for the better? So you start a conversation together. That is wise but there is a chance that the conversation will not achieve what you have in mind. When you start looking at the situation from your self-awareness, you can regain a grip on the situation. You start to imagine how you would like the relationship to go. And in doing so, you imagine how your partner reacts to certain things. In doing so, you can go so far as to form an image of what you would say or do. All aimed at getting the other person to change the atmosphere in a positive way. Now that you know this from your imagination, you can decide to make the necessary change in yourself. The impact on yourself and the change you make will become noticeable in the other person.

The impact on yourself and the change you make will become noticeable in others.

Change

So leadership begins with ourselves. If we want to lead another person somewhere, we ourselves will have to have a picture of what steps we need to take to get to where we want to get out. In essence, you see that which the others do not yet see. For some, it is enough when as a leader you tell them the end goal. The listeners are independently able to reach that goal. For others, you start with Step 1 and lay out the path step by step before you get to the end goal. Sometimes you tell what is needed and other times you can create movement by asking the right questions. As a leader, you can envision what you yourself need to do or what personal change you need to make before you can influence others. That is leadership from the bottom up!